It's Not You, It's Me.
I arrived to see a show at a theater I really, really like and admire. I'm acquainted with most of the staff there, so there were a couple of nods hello. I’ve waged a long and serious campaign to get my work considered here, and have gotten exactly nowhere. I don’t think they have a problem with me personally, and I think my work is a really good fit for them and the actors they work with: it’s just--no. Not a reading, not a meeting, not an inch beyond “Hi Catherine! Nice to see you!” Which is nice; they’re nice. That’s nice. Just.
So I’m sitting there and it’s all falling into place: there’s no room for me here. It’s not personal. It’s like I’ve shown up at the table as everyone has finished dessert and is sipping their coffee and here I stand with a lasagne and salad. Just no.
That got me thinking about my other Almosts and Not Nows and Also Ran theaters. I’m basically hearing “you’re great, but no.” They’re the guy who is never going to fall for you. It’s just not going to happen. Ever. Get over it. Move on.
So what do you do when you can’t get arrested? What do I do with my “single” status in the theater world? I'm not going to be metaphorically sitting home alone on Saturday night crying into my ice cream, I can tell you that. That was never my style. There’s always plenty to do and enjoy. So I may have to produce my own work. Or invent a new way to work. Or whatever. Because I am loving my work right now.
And that’s the bottom line: I am loving my work right now. I’m enjoying the process of thrashing out drafts and revisions. I’m seeing and reading good stuff. I’m meeting great people. OK, I seem to be entirely out of step with the producing world at the moment. Yes, I seem to be getting an inordinate amount ofrejections in my inbox, even considering it’s rejection season. I get it. It’s not you; it’s me. I’m out of step. Way too early and just a little late. For now. Maybe I should spend the summer in the Rockaways and learn to surf. It seems like a valuable skill.